Days in July | # 7

   I had a different post scheduled for today but decided against it. I would answer this prompt instead. It asks about your childhood dreams; how a littler you imagined your adult self.

   So I sat at my kitchen table and got to thinking. There were just so many things I wanted to do and people I wanted to be. I always told myself that by the time I got to high school, I’d be one stunning babe. I was always made fun of for the way I looked. Too tall, acne, hairy legs, large backpack, nerd…etc Anything kids could taunt me for, they did, and it really lowered my self-esteem. I idolized Mary-Kate and Ashley and wanted to be just like them. Blonde and beautiful, tiny noses and cute boyfriends. I wanted to be a professional dancer, song writer and clothing designer. This is odd because i never drew, i knew nothing about music (still don't), and my parents couldn't afford ballet classes.
   My dreams have since taken a shift and they’ll probably change as I continue to grow. I am studying psychology and get to explore my creativity through YouTube and this blog.  I have continued writing. I remember keeping a composition notebook with a matte red cover. It had a couple of Frankenstein stickers in the front and a creepy alien drawing inside. I always wrote songs in there. They were shit, but over time they transformed into poetry.
   As for significant others, they've taken to the back-burner. I used to think that by 20 I’d have kids and a husband. Which is insanity!!! What were you thinking younger me?!!

I always told my parents that i also NEEDED to be a virgin. I didn't know what that meant but i knew i needed it to wear white at my wedding.(*facepalm*)

I was so silly. I’m now 19, a feminist, and I don’t ever see myself having children. I’ve never been in a relationship, and although not opposed to the thought, it seems like a hassle.

I’m a lot more confident in my own skin now. I might not be a stunning babe, but at least i'm happy! Plus, at this age, people don’t make fun of me anymore. I’ve accepted the shape of my nose and my acne. I could care less about my body hair and being a nerd got me into college. I’m not where my child self saw me. I’m better. And I hope I can look back to today and reminisce on who I thought I would be at 30.

How did you see yourself when you were a kid? What were your future plans? 

ps: I thought i would mention that as a kid, i also dreamt of going to magic school. I would go there and become a powerful witch. So if ballerina fashion designer failed, i'd always have magic. Haha!


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